Becoming Stronger: How to say no

Do you find yourself agreeing to things you don't want to do? Are you overwhelmed by commitments that drain your energy? You're not alone. Many of us struggle with setting healthy boundaries, particularly in professional contexts.

Learning to say "no" confidently is one of the most powerful skills you can develop for your personal wellbeing and professional success. Yet without a clear structure, we often falter - either becoming too apologetic or too abrupt.

The ASKED method offers a simple but powerful framework that takes the guesswork out of boundary-setting. It provides a balanced approach that respects both your needs and the relationship with the person making the request.

A – Acknowledge the request

S – State your decision clearly

K – Keep justifications brief or avoid

E – Express empathy or gratitude

D – Decline and close politely

When first practising this approach, you might feel uncomfortable or anxious. These feelings are perfectly normal and often stem from our deep-seated concerns about disappointing others or appearing unkind.

The crucial insight is understanding that detailed justifications often backfire, creating openings for others to problem-solve your objections. For instance, responding "I don't have time today" invites the counter-offer "No worries, tomorrow morning works too!"

By using the ASKED method, you maintain control of your boundaries whilst preserving relationships. With practice, you'll develop the confidence to protect your time and energy without the guilt that so often accompanies saying "no".

 Acknowledge:
“I understand how important this new business pitch is, and I can see why you’d want extra support.”

 State your decision clearly:
“However, I won’t be able to join the team for this one.”

 Keep justifications brief:
“I have other priorities that I need to focus on right now.”

 Express empathy or gratitude:
“I really appreciate you considering me, and I’m sure you’ll do a fantastic job.”

 Decline and close politely:
“Thanks again for understanding, and best of luck with the pitch.”