Is ‘no’ the second best answer you can give or receive?

In a coaching conversation last week, my client was agonising over a potential new job that had gone silent after initial enthusiasm, multiple promises to follow up and 3 interviews. She’d spent weeks in limbo—checking emails unable to move forward or step back.

At the same time, I was noticing a lot of frustration on LinkedIn. One particular comment in a thread about sales and new business leads going cold caught my eye:

The comment was “No is the second-best answer you can get.”

It got me thinking.

Strong leadership, especially during times of change, hinges on clear communication. The ability to say "no" decisively might be one of the most undervalued leadership skills we possess. When navigating organisational transition, leaders who can articulate boundaries create the psychological safety teams need to thrive. After all, knowing where the guardrails are provides the confidence to innovate within them.

It also helps us with transitions. Career transitions reveal an often overlooked skill: the importance of selective refusal. As you move into higher positions, the ability to say "no" becomes increasingly vital. Successful leaders don't attempt to address every problem or accept every request. Instead, they establish clear boundaries around their time, attention, and commitments.

During transitions, this skill becomes particularly crucial. As you leave behind familiar responsibilities, you'll face pressure to maintain involvement in previous work while taking on new challenges. This selective approach not only preserves your effectiveness but signals your commitment to your new role and responsibilities and supports good wellbeing.

For freelancers, business owners, and professionals navigating career opportunities, this is particularly relevant. That proposal you sent out? The potential client who seemed keen? The project that would be perfect… if only they’d respond?

Your time and energy are your most valuable resources. Waiting for a response that never comes isn’t just frustrating—it’s actively stopping you from pursuing other opportunities. Research suggests that employees spend an average of 3.5 hours per week chasing unclear or unanswered communications (McKinsey, 2022). That’s nearly a month per year lost to waiting for responses that may never come!

While "no" can feel harsh, disappointing, and not what you wanted to hear, it’s also clear, you know where you stand, and when delivered well, it’s professional.

The Professional Power of "No"

In business, a clear "no" is:

·       Respectful of everyone’s time

·       Professional and direct

·       A way for both parties to move forward

·       A prevention against wasted energy and resources

In fact, research suggests that employees spend an average of 3.5 hours per week chasing unclear or unanswered communications (McKinsey, 2022). That’s nearly a month per year lost to waiting for responses that may never come!

Why We Fear Saying "No"

Through coaching, I’ve found that people aren’t afraid of the word itself. Instead, they fear:

·       Disappointing others

·       Burning bridges

·       Appearing unprofessional

·       Missing future opportunities

·       Being judged

This fear leads to behaviours that waste everyone’s time:

·       Sending vague “I’ll get back to you” messages

·       Ghosting emails

·       Making excuses about checking diaries

·       Promising to “circle back” with no intention to do so

·       Saying yes to everything and burning out

·       Getting frustrated while others seem to breeze through their careers

So, how do you say no professionally?

The ASKED Framework for Saying No

When you need to say "no," use my ASKED framework:

·       Acknowledge – Recognise the request

·       State – Your decision clearly

·       Keep – Justifications brief or avoid them

·       Express – Empathy or gratitude

·       Decline – And close politely

Example:

"Thanks for thinking of me for this project [Acknowledge]. I won’t be able to take this on [State] due to other commitments (Keep brief). I truly appreciate you considering me [Express]. I wish you all the best in finding the right person for this opportunity [Decline]."

Making "No" Work for You

When giving a "no":

·       Be clear and prompt

·       Keep it professional

·       Avoid over-explaining

·       Don’t over-apologise

·       Remember, it’s okay to protect your time

When receiving a "no":

·       Appreciate the clarity

·       Thank them for their response

·       Extract any useful feedback

·       Move forward decisively

Final Thoughts

A clear "no" is always better than an endless maybe. It’s professional, it’s respectful, and it allows everyone to make informed decisions about their next steps. It takes time to practice saying it, and not falling into giving excuses - which just opens up negotiation when you don’t want it! It also takes time to receive it gracefully and resiliently bounce forward emerging with learning.

Both approaches have their place—the key is knowing which to use when. Usually, I draw lessons from parenting teens into the business world, but today, I’m flipping it. Why? Because to a child or teenager, "no" can feel like forever—a block, a mountain, a battle to fight, a tantrum to be had. Instead of a flat "no," try “not yet” or be curious about why they are asking. Its OK to set a timeline to revisit in a few months when they are a bit older or proved trust. You’ll often get a very different reaction, opening a constructive discussion about responsibility and growing independence.

In business, embrace the power of a clear "no." In personal relationships, especially with young people, consider "not yet" when appropriate. After all its usually because they are not old enough, or you are not ready for the big ask e.g. “Can I have Snap Chat?”